我又崩溃了。


当他拥抱我的那一刻，眼泪就再也不听使唤，流了出来。为什么那么不争气？？为什么那么脆弱？？


今天表面上真的很忙，去这里那里买这样那样, 也搞定了满多事情。 一如既往，逛街也闹出不少笑话；但脸上挂着的笑容，总是带有丝丝忧愁, 很纳闷。


我已经尽力去掩饰了，我已经尽量让自己不去想，要开心一点，要去享受我们的二人世界。但当他拥抱我的那一刻，眼泪就再也不听使唤，流了出来。为什么那么不争气？？为什么那么脆弱？？


他告诉我说，他一早就发现我不开心了。我知道他也很努力地逗我开心。他说了很多很多安慰我的话。‘不要害怕傻瓜，没有任何东西会改变的。我还是会在你身边啊!!! 除了上班，我把所有时间都留给你……你是最重要的!!


说真的，我一句也没听进去。因为，他说的这番话，我也曾对自己说了上千万次。虽然在几个月前就开始给自己很多的心里准备，但到头来，还是很害怕，很不开心, 流了好多眼泪。



是时候长大了。



=真的真的很酸的maymay...=

才刚把电话放下，忍了好久的眼泪，就从心里面不断地涌出来。不想让他知道我伤心，不想他知道我心里好多好多的不安与挣扎…



可能是自己幼稚吧，很害怕当你开始工作后会忽略我，会没时间陪我。以前简单甜蜜温馨单纯的日常生活，也快要变成一种奢侈。不晓得何时才能再在一起煮饭仔，又或是一起去跑步，又或是陪我去上课。生活又再回到以前一个人孤孤单单的感觉，不禁有一种失恋的酸涩…怎么回事了？？？



一直不断告诉自己不要想太多，但对一个被爱惜和被宠坏了好久的人来说，要说不想...还真的很困难。想想以后一个人的午餐，一个人去好无聊的学院，一个人驾车，一个人回家…想一想，心里酸酸的，眼泪又好像开始不受控制，一滴滴地流了下来。



哎，算了吧！生活再苦还是要过！！又或者不是我想像中那么地不堪，反而会更好呢..?收拾好心情！！与其唉声叹气，不如好好珍惜剩下的日子，在我们进入另一阶段的感情生活之前，再享受一星期的简单甜蜜温馨单纯的幸福吧…


=自我安慰的maymay…=

LAST MINUTE.

I am..so so so so sick of doing assignments last minute!!!!!!!


From the last semester, i promised myself, so so so determined to myself, i declared that,



''I WILL FINISH MY ASSIGNMENTs 1 WEEK BEFORE THE SUBMISSION DATE.''


... ... ...


ok. continue to dream about it. This coming thursday to submit 2 assignments, rushing, rushing and rushing. huh. i tihnk i can only finish by thursday itself, ok, thx to the lecturer as well, giving blurry instructions, make my life even tougher.



exams are coming in one month time; 4more assignments to be submitted. 30hour famine in 2 weeks time.



=stressful-maymay...=

When your are sad,




one song is enough to fill up your empty mind.





Only one song, n i could listen to it, again n again.





=down-ed, maymay=
currently listening to: 第三者，梁静茹

1 and a half hour ago, my heart was totally broken. i couldnt stop the tears, i couldnt stand the pain. For 18 years and 10months of being Yong Kah May, i finally came to this day, which i want to stop being Yong Kah May.

1 and a half hour ago, i was being scolded, as if i have killed someone. as if i have robbed the bank. as if i just put fire on somebody's house. i have so many doubts in my heart, i have been keep thinking, i have been struggling. i shouted, i cried, i scareamed. i wanted to know, i really really wanted to know, m i..m i tat bad? m i the worst person in her world? did i really..really so wrong?

1 and a hlf hour ago, it was 11.30pm.

At this moment, my heart had stop breaking. My tears have stopped. The pain has gone. n I, am no longer the person that i used to be.

At this moment, i feel the tranquility and peacefulness in my heart. i have stopped doubting myself. i have stopped thinking, that my mind is so blank. i promise to myself, i would not cry, would not scream, would not shout, anymore. whether i have done wrong, or whether, i was the worst, it s not important anymore.

For at this moment, my heart had just told me, she is dead.

=I-am-dead, maymay=